I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
