I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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