Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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