she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is it penis luge time yet?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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