i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
