How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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