If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??