i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO