the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga