Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts