I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?