and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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