Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
