i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
