he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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