he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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