Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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