hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
