he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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