i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
