After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
