omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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