Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
