so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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