I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids