I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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