What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dating After Heartbreak
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?