and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?