we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.