we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
