Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
