Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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