Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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