If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The air was thick with penises
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
