But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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