i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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