guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dignity is for republicans.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
