my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
