none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
