even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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