if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize