entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
