You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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