I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
