the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
