i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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