Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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