I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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