in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
