Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough