**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser