I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.