I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.