the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"