so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms