1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
