Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
