My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
