Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize