Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
the raccoons are back...
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