Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
