Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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