Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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